Wednesday, November 14, 2012

The Silence...It's Deafening.

I am not even sure that title makes any sense except to me.

I have been in California for 5 months now. I have not had anything to do other than to help out my mom and my sister. I am trying to get a job to make some money while I am out here. I picked up crocheting and baking again. I’m trying to push myself on the bike. The other day, I went 4 miles roundtrip. I know that is not a lot, but it is a start. I have been trying to fill the days with something. Anything to break the silence.

Anyone who knows me knows that I do not like silence. When I am cooking, I turn on the music. When I was in school, I had two or three movies that I would play while I was doing homework. Even while I am typing this I am listening to music so that I can focus. At least, that is what I tell myself.

I am not so sure anymore. At some point, I have to deal with the silence. I have to approach the things that are going on in my head and the situations that have shaped who I am right now. The older I get, I seem to have more opportunities to reflect on these past situations and my reactions. Those that know me are also probably not surprised to hear that I tend to internalize and then intellectualize what I am feeling during a crisis of my mind. It is not until I have completely thought it out and analyzed every possible outcome will I talk to someone about it.

Even God.

I always decide to take it upon myself to make sure to examine everything before I present it to anyone. It is not fair to God. 

My creator. 

The author of love. 

My biggest fan. 

The one being that I am supposed to be able to confide in and trust throughout the entire “crisis." Throughout my life. He knows me better than I even know myself. He is there with me the nights that it is all too much to bear and I cry myself to sleep. He hears my frustrations with my situation and the world around me. He notices when I have a revelation of how much he loves me. He cares when I feel completely and utterly alone. He loves me even when I do not care for him at whatever selfish moment I am having. 

All I should be doing with my life is living in continual love of my God and his people. To me, that requires giving fully who I am to God. Especially when it means he wants me to give him the good and the bad.

The conclusion that I have come to is this silence is a gift from God. It is a wake up call to me. God is giving me another huge opportunity to completely and fully rely on him. It is all or nothing. No more lukewarmness here. I don’t know what this season of my life is going to hold but I am not waiting on my incessant need to know what is going on to stop me from a constant pursuit of the life-giving, challenging, affectionate, truth revealing love of God. 

Here we go!

Peace and Love,

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Secret ballot is an awesome thing.

You know, one of the beauties of democracy is the secret ballot. You can hear and read all of the ads, articles, radio shows, and sermons but once you step into the booth or check the box, it is all you. You have to make a choice between two people who are qualified to run the country but have different approaches. No one is putting a gun to your head or threatening your family or watching you in the ballot box to make sure you vote the right way.

We may not have those extreme examples but we do have some people in powerful and persuasive positions that, I think, should not use their power to affect the vote of the people that follow them. This is America. The land of the free. Home of the brave. Why wouldn't people who are in positions of power either keep out of it or show both sides of the coin?

My campus pastor in college did a wonderful demonstration in our chapel one day right before Election Day. He did the pros and cons of each candidate and then urged us to research even more to make up our own minds. That is what the church should be doing. It annoys the hell out of me when pastors say who they are going to vote for or who their congregation should vote for. It takes away the right and privilege that we have as Americans to choose our leaders. So, pastors, please don't endorse from the pulpit. It's not very American.

With all of that aside, please go vote. It is a privilege that not everyone in the world has.

Women, a hundred years ago, we were still fighting to be able to vote.

People of color, we were still fighting to vote in the 60s.

Voting is an important privilege that we get to exercise. No matter who you are or what you believe, you have an obligation to the people that fought for your right to express your beliefs to vote for the country that you want to leave for your children. Take pride in your country and vote.